Love and other drugs...

First of all, I would like to start out this blog with a warning: what you're about to read my be disturbing or annoying.

I recently revealed to my mother that I tried a substance for the first time. I should explain, it was in a controlled environment, with paramedics close as well as a sober baby sitter. I do not condone the use of substances in any form, but for myself, I at least wanted to try it.

This conversation came up because my ex and I had gotten in a huge fight about me doing this substance in the first place. He told me it was juvenile and immature to even think about trying it. This is the same person that will often drive completely drunk. My mother was horrified that I would even try them in the slightest. She later sent me a text message:

"N don't bullshit that *substance* isn't addictive n isn't a gateway drug. U r frying your brains and ruining your lungs. You need life long treatment and AA."

I'm gonna say the fact my parents won't get our water wall fixed/remove the black mold from my closet is what is ruining my lungs. **sighs**

Then there's life on the romantic front. I currently have three options. One just wants me to do certain things with him, and doesn't really care to get to know me. Another wants me to be his emotional support and what not, but doesn't want a relationship, and a third doesn't want anything from me unless he's drunk. THEN I got a phone call from an ex who is very interested in rocking my world if I drive 6 hours to see him. What the goodness??? Where do I get all these offers yet NOTHING EVER HAPPENS?! I'm tired of being without. Is it so much to want to date some one who isn't a complete douche and be able to get some on a semi regular basis?

~Mar~

How to ruin a relationship in 12 days...

I recently got myself into a relationship, as per usual, diving in head first... damn the consequences. I've been on a dating website for a long time off and on throughout the years. I got a message from a guy that I wasn't any where NEAR compatible with. I figured... dude has balls, I'll message him back.

At this point, I hear a voice echoing in my ears of my best friend, "60 percent enemy-my-my-my"

The first week or so was pretty awesome. We talked every day and laughed a lot. Finally, I went to go see him. All his friends knew everything about me and were very welcoming. I thought to myself, wow! I finally found a guy who genuinely likes me for me!

Then came that evening when the shock most girls have nightmares about. Finding out the gent who you like so much... is lacking in other areas. Between that an excessive amount of drinking... the bedroom scene was pretty lack luster.

That's okay, I steeled myself. I figured that I'm a demon in the sack and whatever skill or size he lacks, I can work around. Of course, I was just kidding myself. Too much was going wrong and I was too far in denial to run.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt:

Late one night, after a couple rounds of "How do you spell Nickleback" and "You gotta listen to this song." I'd finally given up and went to bed alone at 2am when I had to work the next morning.

He came to bed about 4am, when his phone started blowing up. Finally, after a couple texts, I asked who he was talking to. He handed me his phone and I discovered that I wasn't the only lady in his life. I was one of 4. Strike 1!

Eventually, after some drama and some screaming, he attempted to make up with me, and proceeded to pass out drunk on top of me.

After escaping, the texts began. I shant bore you with the details, but I threw down a gauntlet of things he had to accomplish. He toed the line and everything seemed to be on it's way to improving. Then a text came, the exact same wording he sent to 3 of the 4 other girls in his phone he was talking to. Strike 2!

Being very upset about this, I told a very close friend, who got his number, called him and threatened him. Lawlerskates. Dude, didn't get the picture and still tried to patch things up. I finally broke it off, and told him that he wasn't ready for a relationship, and I'm not willing to deal with bullshit. He was very confused and tried to show me how I'm the only girl he wants.

Caving in, I was willing to go see him. On my way out there I got a text saying that I should turn around, that his roommate didn't want me there because he was mad at me. "Turn around and don't come. You cause too much drama." At that point, I was woah done. I asked to no longer have contact with him, ended our facebook relationship and deleted him from my life.

Then came the text that made this whole blog worth writing. Here is an exact transcription from my phone:

Stupid Boy: We need to talk. About us.

Me: There is no us.

SB: What do you mean? Are you mad at me?

Me: Do you remember last night?

SB: I remember everything, I was sober.

SB: What? 'Cause you flipped out when Mike was mad at you?

... other texts

Me: The point is you didn't defend me and threw me under the bus when you were on very thin ice to begin with.

SB: What?

Me: If you can't see that, it's over.

SB: What's over?

Me: This conversation. This relationship.

SB: What do you mean?

Me: I have no idea how easily you are confused.

Me: Don't think too much about it.

SB: What? Seriously?

Me: How did you expect this to go?

SB: Like this

Me: Awesome, making sure it's all done.

SB: What's done?

Me: This conversation. This relationship.

SB: If that's what you want.

Me: What I wanted was that you actually cared. That you give a damn.

SB: I do give a damn. Can't you tell?

Me: Not enough to put in an actual effort. You wouldn't have told me to turn around. You would have been on my door step last night trying to fix this.

SB: You know I can't drive (too many DUI's)

Me: Convenient. How about we try this again in a few months when you have your license back, and put in one 10th the effort I did in this relationship.

SB: What? I jumped through every hoop to make you happy and you flip out on me.

Me: Except for standing up for me. Telling me I'm not wanted and making me waste my gas going out there and making me turn around.

SB: Whatever

Pause for 3 hours:

SB: Crazy question?

SB: Will you come out and see me tonight?

Me: Hell no, Ass Spelunker!

SB: What?

Me: Look it up on urban dictionary. Don't hurt yourself too much thinking about it.

SB: Dont talk to me anymore phyco [psycho] go see a doctor about bipolar because u have it

Me: Finally. You get the picture that I don't want to talk to you anymore.

SB: Ok by bitch.

Me: I fucked my ex.

*pause for 4 hours*

SB (at 2am): Have fun,with sex buddy lol

Yeah... wow. **sighs**

Really? REALLY?!?!

Death and Rapture

Happy Rapture Day, Everyone!

Yours truly has been dying of the plague. I thought to myself, when first reading about rapture, that it was a whole load of bull. Then I started looking at what was going on around the world... and I had a cold, sounding like I was ready to die. Floods... typhoons... earthquakes. The crazy people might not have had the only "6pm" thing right, but it seems they're on to something.

With this thought in my head, I tackled the day. My brain was still fractured from lack of sleep, too much coughing and of course... whatever plague has infested my body. Finally rolling into work, I discovered that most everyone was taking the rapture pretty seriously. With a very low call volume, I was able to leave early. I managed to wonder over to my ex's to find his father had slow roasted ribs. To you, casual reader, you probably don't know this, but I don't eat pork. I had a traumatizing experience as a kid... which later became almost a dietary necessity since pork is now difficult for me to digest. Now my tummy is all ewww... and I'm still having the coughing issue. If anyone could send me some cheese to go with this wine, I'd much appreciate it.

Today has been a very paranoid/sickly sort of day. I had a whole blog planned out to write for tonight, but it appears I've run out of steam and just need sleep. Much love and all that other junk.

~Mar~

Online dating: A kiss with a fist is better than none.

I'm on a dating website and often get hits that really make me question why I'm there. One I got today, "Your boobs re ginormous lol whats up." from some guy who is a fire fighter. Besides the grammatical problems with this statement, this being the first contact impression... really?

I also got a response from what I thought was a nice guy recently. The last few times we've tried to talk on a messenger, I've been coming and going... so I spared some time yesterday for him. He didn't really want to talk about himself or me... but what the "relationship" would bring. (first red flag) So I tested the waters, and asked if he snored... to which he responded, "Yes." I said, "Good, so do I." -- That started the snowball into "Well, then maybe you probably shouldn't stay the night over." (second red flag)

I laughed it off at first. We continued to talk and eventually started picture sharing. Almost all of the pictures he sent me were very clearly meant to be showing off his arms. The ones I sent him were shocking because I have piercings and tattoos. (another red flag)

The conversation moved on and he told me I was "really cute" and looked like I'd be a lot of fun. He kept asking when he can come over to my place... so I sent a stunner to him. I asked, "Have you always been a fatty chaser?" To which he responded, "No, actually, I don't think I've ever been with an over weight girl before." The conversation continued and I started baiting him for what he's looking for. "im looking for a compatible partner....and not just a one time thing. something that is fun with no drama" At that point, in my denseness, it finally hit me he was just looking for an activity partner.

Around that time, I checked out and just saw how far he'd go... and how deep of a hole he could dig himself. Then the comment of something about his "friends and family" not understanding about dating a fatty... and how much "fun" I could be... as well as it being mutually pleasing.

**sighs** So... again, I've deduced that I'm a great lay (or potential to be a great lay) but not good enough to be a girlfriend. I got a picture of Mr. You're-not-good-enough-to-date in a compromising position, then told him that I'd get back to him when I had free time. Hopefully he holds his breath.

This in mind, I wrote back to the horny firefighter and said, "Not a whole lot, Rude. Thanks for the feedback though. Now I know what pics to put up to get a real response from guys. Much appreciated."

~Mar~

After reading a couple old blogs, I realized how incredibly witty and uninteresting I am. So, newly single... I continue my life on the cusp. I stop blogging for a while due to a stressful job and a relationship that I was working WAY too hard on to make work. Relationships should at least produce as much as you put into it... and mine WAY didn't.

I've recently starting working for a company, and there are SERIOUSLY hilarious stories that come forth from my job. I'm not sure if they're covered in the confidentiality agreement I signed or not, but some just need to go into internet fame.

One thing I've discovered while work, is that people are inherently dumb... like.... really dumb.

But the story of Mrs. Poopoopow will have to go for another day.